My walk through grief is continuous. Every so often, I see a signpost that informs me of my progress. Most frequently the message gets to me through something that I say in conversation. After speaking the words, I pause and think about what I have said and realize that I’ve taken some kind of step.
Last night my words were, “I don’t want to be sad forever.” It’s as if I am beginning to get the upper hand on grief. Yes, he’s still in the fight, but I am landing more body blows and uppercuts. Grief is beginning to look wobbly!
It’s a mind shift from what has happened to me – and now, what have I to do to be strong again. More proactive than reactive. Down times are still present, feelings of sadness settle on my heart. These feelings are tough, but manageable.
In a weird way, I am learning to be me. Learning to live with Jana’s departure. Learning to be a single man. Actually enjoying aspects of my life again… Learning to lean heavily on Jesus.
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his faithful love endures forever.
1 Chronicles 16:34
The holidays are big on my radar. These are the “firsts” that everyone talks about. It’s going to be tough, no doubt. I am in a good place to work through these special days. January will be a great point to reflect on the road I’ve traveled. And…the first week in Feb will mark six months.
I will keep going. I will keep becoming who God has intended me to be through this valley. I am suffering, struggling, and conquering. Keep moving…keep stepping… Giving thanks to the LORD, for He is good.