The dating widower… Man, so many layers of various emotions to work through. But, let me say, it is a strengthening, encouraging, sorrowful, and beautiful process all at the same time!
I have followed a clear process over the last 6 months. The first 5 months were all about me…working through the throws of intense grief. Then I began to meet people, then sat one-on-one with a few women, then took a break to regroup. After a couple months, I had processed and decided to try dating for real. I met some wonderful people, learned a lot about dating and myself, then found one that I very much appreciate and have found a strong connection with.
Something beautiful arising in the wake of something horrible. Single life took root and I had found ground to stand on and began to enjoy my new life. Still walking out the grief, still processing life…just from an increasingly secure place emotionally. Upon this freshly tilled ground of my heart, God connected me with someone who is planting seeds of joy and love. And…they are starting to sprout!
Now, I must sort out the concepts. I must wrestle with opposing thoughts. Jana’s death was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I was devastated. Close to a year later, I am experiencing a deepening relationship with another woman. This new person is a joy to me…and, I would never have met her, not in this context, if Jana had not died. This weighty thought takes some work.
Guilt must be kept at bay. Guilt is not appropriate. Guilt is not fair for me to impose upon myself. I don’t feel guilty, but I can sometimes hear it’s chatter in my mind. I have honored Jana, and will continue to do so. I hold her memory up high!
It is, though, her memory. Going forward in life is what I must do. Live, partake, enjoy…and love. This is not “forgetting,” make no mistake. There are healthy, appropriate ways to remember, yet embrace new situations. The grieving person knows, in their heart, when it’s time to embark on the new…
I cannot over emphasize how important it is to ensure the object of one’s affections is somebody who will understand and walk with you through the remaining elements of grief. I have found such a person. The widower has unique baggage that he brings to the table. Some of this baggage requires a bit of work to sort through. The right person will take time with you, I believe.
My path is now surrounded by lush green fields, the walking is easy, for the most part, and now flowers are popping up along the way. Is it possible that, at some point, I will acquire a companion on my path? Oh! How I would love company on this journey! It’s not over, you know…there are lot’s of green fields ahead, but the dark valleys are up there, too.